remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
