You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
