I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
