I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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