broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
