there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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