Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
