im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
MIDGETS
????
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
