I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
