I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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