I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
