just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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