now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
