yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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