Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
