well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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