If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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