an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize