just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
