Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
