We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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