gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
