Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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