Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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