The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
