The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
