Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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