At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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