Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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