I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
