I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
