One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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