those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
