At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
