dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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