i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
