Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
