How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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