I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
