So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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