Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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