i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
