so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
