Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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