he puts the penis in happiness.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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