I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
