Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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