i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize