Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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