my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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