I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
