I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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