You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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