I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
