all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
