Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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