and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
