we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize