this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
