I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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