There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
