yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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