shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
