Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
