Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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