ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Can Purell be used as lube?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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