forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
