there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
