My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize