I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
