Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
