i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
