Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
