I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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