I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
