your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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