did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
