so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
