I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
