but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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